So I had spotting after thinking hmmm I’ve not come on for a while. Just a few days of spotting then nothing. Nothing I am worried about – I am putting it down to an unexpected side effect of the new meds… which also has allowed me to feel my hunger. My skin [through months of terrible breakout] is better as I am eating Better aka more.
But anyway, I digress… THE EXHAUSTION. I slept all night, went to bed at a decent time… BUT DAMN TIRED. ALL. THE. TIME. But can’t seem to adequately nap if given the opportunity. It interferes with my ability to concentrate… I want to read, I have courses to do and things to work on… but I cannot concentrate and feel perpetually tired after all of this gentle spotting.
I’ve had racing thoughts… and I let them flow in the safety of my bed… then they look a little different when I feel better. The paranoia is there… in the background… but the rational side is more present too. It allows me a moment. Then washes away. Always worse on the period.
I have been working on self care [a huge part of my group therapy sessions] After the mania spends – and the ASD side absolutely steering it into helpful territory, it is not so bad. My kids always benefits from my craziness, as does my business. My loves.
I know I am more rational brained as I have been able to weigh things up whilst before I was like “ah fuck it, I’ll work it out LATER” so definitely better, though I think these need to be increased as experiencing the mania was more… acute and worse than it has ever been, I still feel restless. But I am tired… please tell me how THAT works.
I have bought two planners – if you know me, you know I love a planner… one is for self-care… something I actually need to pay more attention to… I know it as I do a lot and I will keep doing until I collapse… or pass out [I do tire out with the mental gymnastics] and the other journal is “The Get Shit Done” journal for ADHD brains… simple, tick lists and fits nicely in the purse.
I actually got distracted by my phone whilst writing this and am now attempting to finish…
I went to a moot and was social, thanks to a couple of the rum and cokes (what pub doesn’t do red wine?! or prosecco!)
Again distraction – I had forgotten to tell this fact to someone so just did out loud lol.
I need a windows laptop for emergencies but given my Alienware to my son, I considered upgrading my phone but the next one up isn’t much different so did not. I love my MacBook Pro upgrade and added it to my home insurance… I still had an Alienware from 2016 on there… I finally got round to taking that off and adding this laptop to it… I actually managed to adult [I’m SUPER proud of myself].
I am attempting to continue journaling…. no one has this link so It is for my real and personal thoughts… I am sorry to subject you to this if you stumble on my journal.
I also use my notes app and will use the two new journals…
My plan today is a walk, a little window shopping, a little self care – may attempt to paint my nails, remove some body hair, bathe and chill later…
OFF OUT.
The Sacred Unravelling 